I was recently asked what separates a good military chaplain from a not-so-good one. Like every military community, chaplaincy has people who do the work well and people who don’t. We’re human.
Still, there are habits we can build that help us become the kind of chaplains people trust and want to approach. It’s not simply about conducting religious services. Chaplains arrive ordained and endorsed, with training and experience as religious ministry professionals. Leading worship and providing pastoral care are the foundation of the job. Those elements are not what, by themselves, set one chaplain apart from another. So what does? Ask 10 chaplains and you’ll get 14 answers!
But this is my humble list of three things that help make a chaplain one of the good ones:
1. Care
You have to care about people. That’s a baseline requirement for a profession built around spiritual care.
I’ve met chaplains who seemed to genuinely dislike people – misanthropes, really. In my head, I’m thinking, Bro, why did you join a caregiving profession if you don’t even like people?
Good chaplains care, and people can tell. It shows in how we talk with them, how we counsel them, and how we engage with them every day, in the office and out in the field. Service members aren’t stupid. They know when a chaplain genuinely cares and when someone is just putting on an act. Young people today are quick to spot inauthenticity.
Carl Buehner is often credited with a line sometimes misattributed to Maya Angelou: “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Good chaplains help their Sailors, Marines, Soldiers, Airmen, and Coast Guardsmen feel seen and cared for.
2. Be Seen
Good chaplains make an effort to be out with their people. In the Navy we call that “deckplating” – good leaders need to be on the deckplates with their Sailors. The same concept is true in any branch of service. You don’t have to be the fastest, smartest, strongest, or have all the answers. You do have to show up and try.
Bad chaplains hide behind their desks and make appearances only when absolutely necessary. Good chaplains get involved. I may not be the first one across the finish line, but I’ll be out there running with my Sailors and Marines. I may not be the best at every task, but I’ll put in the effort.
As a leader, I’d much rather have someone try and fail than not try at all. A humble person who’s willing to try can be coached and can grow. Our commands need to see chaplains embrace that same mindset. Good chaplains make the effort and then ask, “How can I get better?”
3. Don’t be weird!
I feel like I say this one a lot, but that’s because it matters. Good chaplains are approachable. That doesn’t mean we have to hide our personalities. It does mean we should pay attention to whether our behavior and mannerisms are putting people off or making it harder for them to connect with us.
We need to be winsome. I can’t count the number of times someone has said to me, “Thanks for being a normal person!” If I came across as strange or unapproachable, people might never feel comfortable coming to me.
We can keep our own personalities while still working on how we come across to others. I highly recommend First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You and How to Win Friends and Influence People. Both can help you become someone who puts people at ease and creates a space they actually want to be in.
Those are my big three: care, try, and don’t be weird. The professional ministry training is the starting point; these habits shape whether people experience that ministry as trustworthy, accessible, and real. Practice them, and you’ll build a reputation as someone people can approach and as a good chaplain.
Have a question? Drop a comment or send us an email. We love talking with people about military chaplaincy. It’s an incredible ministry. And check out our latest book, Military Ministry: Chaplains in the Twenty-First Century.
